The Hotdog Story
by Snape's Cat
Summary: The story of a sleep-deprived Heero and his quest for some mustard.


This is probably my favorite GW fanfic I've written. It came about because my ex-boyfriend drew a picture of the last scene, which is a parody of the Simpsons in the first place. I thought it was so funny that I had to write a fic to describe how this could possible happen. Please review.  
  
********************  
  
One night Heero was trying to make a hot dog for a midnight snack. He walked to the fridge and realized that there was no mustard. It was 2:39 AM on a Sunday night and no stores where open. So he went to his neighbor's house. He knocked on the door and Wufei came out a few minutes later in boxer shorts. He looked very pissed. Heero said, "Wufei, I'm out of mustard. Can I borrow some? " Wufei stared at him for a moment before saying, "Are you crazy? Its 2:30 in the morning. Besides, I have no mustard, I hate it. " He turned to go back in the house, muttering, "There is no justice in this world. I have to wake up early tomorrow for the 'Beast Wars' season finale."  
  
  
Heero, after standing on Wufei's front porch for a few minutes, wondering if he was going to get any mustard, turned to walk across the street. He then went to Quatre's house, where there seemed to be a wild party raging on. He knocked on the door and Quatre opened it. Quatre had no shirt on and his pants seemed to be stained red in places. He had a bottle of Bud in his right hand. He said,"What's up Heero?" in very slurred speech, "Do you wanna piece of beer?"   
  
Heero looked at him for a second then said, "No thanks, all I want is some mustard. Do you have any?" Quatre looked at him and said, "What?"  
  
"Mustard! Do you have any Mustard?!"  
  
"Mustard? No, I think were out, Dude. Sorry."  
  
Heero then walked away in disappointment. He walked down the street to the local grocery store. The sign on the top said, "Trowa's Grocery" He saw that there were no lights on, so he stood in front of it for about 20 minutes staring at all the items in the window. He went around back and knocked on a door. Trowa opened it.   
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"Got any mustard?"  
  
"Not until regular sale hours." With that, Trowa promptly slammed the door in Heero's face. Heero thought about that time that he and Duo made a bet that one could make Trowa say more than 10 words in a conversation. So far, neither of them had won. "Man, if he would have said one more word, I would have won." Then he walked away, thinking of Duo. He walked to Duos house, which was a few blocks away. When he got there, he found Duo laying in the front yard on a lawn chair asleep. He walked up to him and woke him up. "What are you doing out there,Duo?"  
  
"Dude! I fell asleep when I was tanning today. Thanks for waking me up." With that, Duo walked into his house, leaving Heero standing out on his front lawn with only the fake plastic pink flamingos and kissing Dutch people to console him.  
  
He then walked next door and found a 9-foot fence keeping him from getting in. He knocked on the fence and a small television screen came on. "What is it?" Zechs asked over it.  
  
"Can I borrow some mustard?"  
  
"Well, I have some mustard, but I don't feel like getting up and going out there to give it to you."  
  
"Come on. I'll fight you for it!"  
  
"Maybe int he morning." The television then turned off.  
  
Heero turned around and went back to Trowa's Grocery and stood there for about another hour or so, wistfully eyeing the jars of Grey Poupon. Then he turned and went to a person's house that he knew would give him anything: Relena. He walked to her mansion. He then came to the fancy fence, and there he saw a sign hanging on it. It read "At Quatre's."  
  
Knowing that there was no way that she'd be coming back any time soon, he turned and walked away. At this time, it was now 4:55. In his travels, Heero had walked over 5 miles. All he could do was go back home and stare at the pack of hotdogs sitting on his counter. Then, he opened his refrigerator to find 5 more packs of hot dogs sitting there.   
  
He looked at the shelf in the door and saw the empty bottle of mustard. Heero snapped. He took all of them out of the fridge and started to sew them to an old belt of his. It was a very delicate process that took him several hours. Then, he affixed a detonation device to them. Now the time was about 8:00. He heard the doorbell ring, but did not go to answer it.  
  
Now he was about to destroy himself with the very things that he loved so much as to travel all around town in the middle of the night to find the perfect condiment for. Catsup? What's that? Chili? No, nothing could compare to smooth, cool, tangy mustard in all of its glory, straight from the convenient squeeze bottle. Now, it was all going to end.   
  
He held the detonation device out in front of him like usual and was about to press the button. Then Duo, Wufei, and Trowa walked in the kitchen. (Quatre was unable to attend considering that he was passed out in his bathtub.) He looked at the trio and started to laugh insanely. Duo walked closer to him and noted the belt of hot dogs around his waist with a detonation device attached to them.  
  
"Uh….Heero.Those are hot dogs, not dynamite." Heero looked down, as if to face the truth. A single tear rolled down his face.  
  
"I know, Duo, I know."  
  
Trowa walked up to Heero and gave his little belt a good look.  
  
"Weird."Duo said.  
  
"Talk about it," Trowa said, "I've seen some weird things in my day, but this is definitely the weirdest."  
  
After a slight pause of counting words on his fingers, Duo yelled, "I WIN!" 


End file.
